Sunday, January 13, 2008

Poly Management

One of my stressors in our poly quad is my ability to efficiently spend time with the quad members, both individually and as a group. I use the word 'efficiently' for two reasons. One, my schedule is full with work, school, and extracurricular activities (homework, exercise, blogging, IM, and writing, for the most part). Two, all three of my significant others have, for various reasons, odd sleep/wake patterns; they tend to sleep a lot. Basically, I have very little time to spend with them.

One of the reasons that I made blogging and IMing a new year's resolution is so that I can interact with them more; they all blog and IM constantly, and it helps with communication and feeling close. It's not something that I do naturally; I have an issue with putting down my private thoughts in a location that potentially anyone could come across and read.

I'm getting over it.

In the last 24 hours, I've had an argument/discussion with both mitda and emmie that could have been avoided had I communicated better. In mitda's case, she keeps making comments that assume that I don't find her attractive. In emmie's case, she's upset that I didn't communicate with her about my impromptu date friday night with kimm, a sub that I met online a few days ago. mitda needs me to show her more affection; me telling her that I find her attractive doesn't work because she assumes I'm lying. emmie needs me to keep her up to date on my activities so she doesn't feel like I'm trying to treat her like MY slave; apparently it's okay to treat me like her slave when she doesn't tell me all the things that she does right away (which is quite a bit more; in her mind, 'egalitarian relationship' apparently only goes one way) . The situation is made more complicated in that it's difficult to spend time with them regularly when they're asleep most of the time.

This doesn't even address the fact that I spend more time with either of them than I do Das, who deserves as much of my time and doesn't complain at all.

I told them that I would spend more time consistantly with them all; 15 minutes a day. It doesn't sound like a lot, but it focuses my attention, which is easily distracted, and my relationships suffer for it.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

points: we didn't argue, we discussed-- and i don't assume you're lying about finding me attractive, i am fairly certain of it.

thank you for listening to me saturday night. i am much recovered from my raving lunacy.

also, we don't have odd sleep/wake patterns-- you do. lol. we just sleep when it is night time, for instance. You don't. Simple.

You weirdo.
with love, mitda