"Don't taze me bro...."

When you are watching a scene, words that come to mind are usually 'hot', or 'intense. 'Hysterical' is NOT what comes to mind.

A friend of ours is a 'daddy's girl' sub, and is one of the funniest people I have ever met. She combines wit, timing, and persona into a lethally hysterical package guaranteed to knock you off your perch of complacency and cool.

A couple of weeks ago the family went to a play party where she was being played. She was placed over a bench and spanked. Only, instead of moans, screams, and pleading, it was phrases like the above.

I tried to keep quiet; I really did. But I lost it at Dr. Seuss.

They ended the scene with, "The next show is at 11:00 pm."

"One of these things, is not like the other....."

There was a Sesame Street song that sang about four items, three of which were alike in some way, and a fourth that did not belong. When interacting with my quad on the whole Bi-Polar issue, I feel like the item that does not belong.

I understand how they can get. I understand how one can have the best-laid plans, only to have them come apart due to unforeseen forces. I've had my own rages, and depressions, and mood swings, only to look back on them and wonder what I could have done differently. I have those options, just like most people; I can imagine what it would be like to have little to no control, how frustrating it would be to have little to no options.

I read up on the subject when I get a chance. I am becoming a little bit more familiar with the pharmacy that is our bedroom every day. I cope with their moodiness, their sleep cycles, their at home habits, their health issues, and their work/career issues. These are all minor events compared to the joy they bring me; I only list them to illustrate how BP interacts in our quad.

I occasionally get from emmie and mitda the feeling that they don't think I understand them regarding BP. emmie made a comment on her blog that she wasn't sure she should talk to me about an issue she's been having because I am "very removed from the whole bipolar thing" (she did decide to, though :) ). mitda didn't like my frustrated comment regarding how she couldn't work at a $50k job if it was boring. My opinion: I take her condition seriously enough not to call it a euphemism like "psychologically interesting."

I don't have to be bi-polar to understand and support my family, the same way I don't have to be female to understand and support feminism. Most of the time, they know that. If they can put up with my occasional frustrations with them, then I can put up with their occasional frustrations with me. And vice versa.

A funny thing happened to me on the way to my career...

I had an interesting realization last night (I would have blogged about it then, but I fell asleep :) ). I'm starting my second semester of school. I just had a great first week: interacting in class, pre- and post-class discussions with my classmates, bonding into groups, both formal and informal. And I've just realized that I'm having an experience that I've never has before in all the years of school previously.

I'm popular.

I had no social skills in junior high and high school, and barely any in college. I was simply too shy and self-conscious to interact with any of my peers well, especially girls, especially pretty girls. I avoided, and was avoided in response.

Now, most of my peers are women, and not only do I interact well, I excel at it. It was finally driven home to me at the end of last semester, when one of my classes has a series of goodbyes, each member to each member. Person after person told me that they enjoyed how smart, how educated, how well-traveled, how experienced I was, how they wished they had my experiences. Coming from a background where I had no self confidence, and people avoided me like the plague (when they weren't laughing at my few and feeble attempts at interaction), this simply blew me away.

After one of my classes the other night, I was about ready to leave when a couple of women in my class called me over to ask if I would like to join their study group (required by the class). I smiled and said "Yes." Now, I'm sure this was no big deal to any of them, but for me, it was. It was the first time someone had gone out of their way to invite me to a group. No, not true; in high school, another group of girls did the same thing in Latin class, and I was so shy that I couldn't say anything right at the first meeting of the group. They dis-invited me from future meetings. Obviously, I have no fear of anything like that happening to me now, nor would I feel anything like the devastation that I felt then.

I know people who stay the same from the time they are twelve years old. There's no guarantee that things will be better; I've always been aware of my own failings and attempted to compensate or learn accordingly (instead of making excuses for it, or for the actions of others). In reflection, I've learned and earned every bit of social skill I now possess; it took going back to school to actually see just how much I've grown.

Not everyone can honestly say they are proud of the man or woman they've become. I'm happy to say that I can.

Recapitualtion at 6:41 am

I should be more stressed out than I am. I've got new responsibilities at work, a new semester at school, household finance issues, and never enough time with the quad. Usually, I'd be in a panic attack mode around now.

However, I'm picking up on my new position well, I'm going into the new semester with a 4.0, the finance issues should be resolved by spring and we'll be sitting pretty by summer, and the time I do spend with the quad is all quality time (with catch-up time on the weekends).

On top of all that, my exercise/diet habits are paying off, I'm writing my novel, and I'm blogging and IMing regularly.

For the first time in my life, I'm happy with every aspect of my life.

Poly Management

One of my stressors in our poly quad is my ability to efficiently spend time with the quad members, both individually and as a group. I use the word 'efficiently' for two reasons. One, my schedule is full with work, school, and extracurricular activities (homework, exercise, blogging, IM, and writing, for the most part). Two, all three of my significant others have, for various reasons, odd sleep/wake patterns; they tend to sleep a lot. Basically, I have very little time to spend with them.

One of the reasons that I made blogging and IMing a new year's resolution is so that I can interact with them more; they all blog and IM constantly, and it helps with communication and feeling close. It's not something that I do naturally; I have an issue with putting down my private thoughts in a location that potentially anyone could come across and read.

I'm getting over it.

In the last 24 hours, I've had an argument/discussion with both mitda and emmie that could have been avoided had I communicated better. In mitda's case, she keeps making comments that assume that I don't find her attractive. In emmie's case, she's upset that I didn't communicate with her about my impromptu date friday night with kimm, a sub that I met online a few days ago. mitda needs me to show her more affection; me telling her that I find her attractive doesn't work because she assumes I'm lying. emmie needs me to keep her up to date on my activities so she doesn't feel like I'm trying to treat her like MY slave; apparently it's okay to treat me like her slave when she doesn't tell me all the things that she does right away (which is quite a bit more; in her mind, 'egalitarian relationship' apparently only goes one way) . The situation is made more complicated in that it's difficult to spend time with them regularly when they're asleep most of the time.

This doesn't even address the fact that I spend more time with either of them than I do Das, who deserves as much of my time and doesn't complain at all.

I told them that I would spend more time consistantly with them all; 15 minutes a day. It doesn't sound like a lot, but it focuses my attention, which is easily distracted, and my relationships suffer for it.

Just another Manic Wednesday....

My son called me today; he had just arrived at Ft. Benning and they were assigning him to a transition platoon for inprocessing (clothes, shots, gear, haircut, etc.) over the next few days before being assigned to his Basic Training platoon. He said he was doing fine; with not much hassling. Not a uncommon occurance, with everyone new and on edge; that will all stop once everyone is assigned to their platoon. The drill sergeants put a stop to all displays of anti-authority that was the coin of cool in high school; the new coin is excellence. He has a good mix of cocky and brains; just what the Army is looking for. He should do fine.

Mitda had a breakdown today, which put Emmie's breakdown on hold. Apparently, they take turns. I'm glad she's okay; she didn't go into it tonight, but it was a bunch of tiny stressors that all added up. I gave her a backrub and cuddle until she fell asleep. I guess it will be Emmie's turn tomorrow.

When do I get a turn?

New Year's Resolutions

Here are my goals for 2008. I have two lists: the first are the most important ones, called my metalist; the second is just regular "gotta pay the bills" goals:

Metagoals for 2008

I will sculpt my Body.

I will invent my own Martial Art Style.

I will continue to develop my own Counseling Theory.

I will write my Novel.

I will search for my Slave.

I will continue to bond with my Family.

Goals for 2008

I will create a nestegg in Savings.

I will create my niche at Work.

I will keep my 4.0 average in School.

I will IM and Blog regularly.